dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
