It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
