my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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