Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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