im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
