smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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