Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
