maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
