I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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