10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're like the curious george of whores
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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