My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
