It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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