4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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