she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
