"it" just moved
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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