He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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