I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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