After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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