How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
