Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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