The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
