wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
