I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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