Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
