i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
