Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
