I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
