how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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