So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
