Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
