is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
