Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
