I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
