Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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