her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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