Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
