I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
