Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
