I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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