Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
