How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
