Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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