Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
