Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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