OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
