I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
