happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can I color on your dick again?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
