Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
