Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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