There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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