my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
