her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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