Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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