Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
