I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
